Photo by S Braswell
by Francis Anfuso @ Relevant Magazine
We’ve all been hurt—here’s how to get past it.
I have Church wounds. The first assault came from growing up in a church where religion choked out relationship. To this day, when I watch televised church services that remind me of my childhood, I still feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead. My other church wounds are even more pronounced and pervasive. They left significant scars on my idealistic soul a few years after committing my life to Jesus in 1972.
I was exposed to leadership insensitivities, hypocrisy, church politics and abuse of authority. At one point, the pressure was so suffocating I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I would drive around in tears while listening to worship music.
For the next two decades, I traveled extensively, conducting seminars and speaking in churches. At times during my traveling ministry, I felt as if I was driving a getaway car, embarrassed I supported a person or group I could never, in good conscience, recommend.
Origin of injury
Church wounds occur in two dimensions. The first dimension comes from agendas within the Church that are inflicted outside of it. Catastrophic abuses have been perpetrated in the name of Jesus Christ. Mention the Crusades, the Inquisition and the Ku Klux Klan to any pastor and see them cringe. Clearly, crazy didn’t start in the 21st century.
The second dimension of church wounds is interpersonal. These are breaches in relationship, whether person-to-person or person-to-God, initiated by a Christian. Some offenders seem to have a relationship with Jesus, but have intentionally wounded people. However, often the Christians who damaged others have done so inadvertently.
They meant well, but messed up.
And pain did not remain in the pews.
In their book unChristian, David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons point to research done by the Barna Group that shows 16- to 29-year-olds who are outside of the Church (outsiders) have lost much of their respect for the Christian faith. Two out of every five young outsiders (38 percent) claim to have a “bad impression of present-day Christianity.”
I don’t know what surprised me more when reviewing the Barna survey: learning 87 percent of outsiders consider Christians judgmental, or that 52 percent of churchgoers feel the same way. Similarly, 85 percent of outsiders believe Christians are hypocritical, while 47 percent of those within the Church feel the same way. Clearly, my experience of church wounds isn’t an isolated incident. And obviously, there is a problem—perception has become reality…
Read the full article at Relevant Magazine
My questions to you:
Should our goal be to “get past” a wound? Does it sound to you like someone saying, “get over it” and “move on”?
Are you satisfied with the way this article ends? Is this all that can/should be done with wounds inflicted by/in the church?
July 5th, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Good relationships require honest communication, if they are to survive. The freedom to openly discuss feelings without being judged is vital, or else the relationship is one-sided and dysfunctional. Forgiveness is more of a challenge when you feel you haven’t been heard or accepted for who you are. I think the problem is often that church doesn’t feel like a place where we are free to express our views, especially when our view doesn’t conform to the status quo, or to those of the leaders. In my experience, the leaders often are very subtle about it, but there is a tone of superiority that suggests that if you are offended by anything they say, YOU must be the problem, it’s never them. It makes it difficult to ever question or give feedback, because of the fear that it could be used against you somehow. I realize that not all church leaders are like this, but there are many who are manipulative and power-hungry, and use their position to control those who they perceive as weaker than themselves. Many of us are blind sheep who just follow because we think it is the right thing to do.
July 10th, 2011 at 5:29 am
One cannot get past a wound that is being inflicted in the present continuous tense. How does one deal with ongoing illegal activities which include human rights violations, freedom of information and privacy violations and labour law violations when there is no evidence that those in authority intend to make any changes despite the spiritual and emotional fallout it is having. What resources and support are available for those who are either witnesses or victims of these behaviors?