The Hibernating Blogger

Hi there,

I’m surfacing again after hibernating in my cave for a while (well, for far too long, to be honest). But I’m pretty sure I have a good reason. Three in fact:

- full-time work
- expecting our first child
- switching to a new blog (I’ll post an update and link to the new blog here as soon as it’s ready.)

At any rate, thanks for your patience and I’m glad to be back!

Meanwhile, there’s been ongoing discussion here at the blog, especially on the Church Bullies post.

Although being bullied is a miserable experience, at least those of us who’ve been through it can offer others support. So thanks to everyone who’s been sharing their stories, tips and encouragement!

Unlearning Jesus

Adapted from nakedpastor: When pastors say “Be like Jesus” they often mean their own version of him.

Would you agree with this statement? How does the real Jesus stack up against the Jesus you’ve been taught?

I’ve had to unlearn several things about Him that I absorbed from my evangelical church background. Some clearly contradicted Jesus’ actual teaching in Scripture while others were (seemingly) more benign. A few examples:

If Jesus came to church he’d be a man of stature. He’d come dressed in a suit and tie, participate stoically, and he certainly wouldn’t be overwhelmed by emotion. He wouldn’t laugh boisterously (only a polite chuckle will do), he’d turn the art of pre- and post-service small talk into an art, and he wouldn’t dream of bringing a coffee into the sanctuary with him. If anyone didn’t follow that last rule, he could be counted on to send them a clear message with a stern frown.

He’d love the poor, but not up close and personal–just through programs to which he’d donate his usual 10 per cent. He’d distrust anyone who demeaned themselves to begging for help or support outright, even if they were long-time members of his congregation. If a charity or government program can’t fix things, well, it certainly has nothing to do with him. Just give him his routine, his friends and hobbies, his occasional volunteering on church committees and his charitable giving. That’s obviously how everyone else on the straight and narrow lives a godly life.

He would open the Bible during the sermon and daily devotion times, but he wouldn’t open the Bible, much less get into deep study of it, with those unruly troublemakers from the next generation. (Some people’s children!) After all, they challenge tradition, they question what’s obviously fact, and they’re plain argumentative. That kind of behavior has to be nipped in the bud. A direct “Because that’s the way it is,” will have to satisfy them.

What about you? Have you had to unlearn certain ideas of Jesus?

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If you’re unlearning an old version of Jesus, Philip Yancey has also walked that road and wrote a book about his journey: The Jesus I Never Knew.

If you’ve read it, how did it impact you?

Wounded by the Church

Photo by S Braswell

by Francis Anfuso @ Relevant Magazine

We’ve all been hurt—here’s how to get past it.

I have Church wounds. The first assault came from growing up in a church where religion choked out relationship. To this day, when I watch televised church services that remind me of my childhood, I still feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead. My other church wounds are even more pronounced and pervasive. They left significant scars on my idealistic soul a few years after committing my life to Jesus in 1972.

I was exposed to leadership insensitivities, hypocrisy, church politics and abuse of authority. At one point, the pressure was so suffocating I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I would drive around in tears while listening to worship music.

For the next two decades, I traveled extensively, conducting seminars and speaking in churches. At times during my traveling ministry, I felt as if I was driving a getaway car, embarrassed I supported a person or group I could never, in good conscience, recommend.

Origin of injury

Church wounds occur in two dimensions. The first dimension comes from agendas within the Church that are inflicted outside of it. Catastrophic abuses have been perpetrated in the name of Jesus Christ. Mention the Crusades, the Inquisition and the Ku Klux Klan to any pastor and see them cringe. Clearly, crazy didn’t start in the 21st century.

The second dimension of church wounds is interpersonal. These are breaches in relationship, whether person-to-person or person-to-God, initiated by a Christian. Some offenders seem to have a relationship with Jesus, but have intentionally wounded people. However, often the Christians who damaged others have done so inadvertently.

They meant well, but messed up.

And pain did not remain in the pews.

In their book unChristian, David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons point to research done by the Barna Group that shows 16- to 29-year-olds who are outside of the Church (outsiders) have lost much of their respect for the Christian faith. Two out of every five young outsiders (38 percent) claim to have a “bad impression of present-day Christianity.”

I don’t know what surprised me more when reviewing the Barna survey: learning 87 percent of outsiders consider Christians judgmental, or that 52 percent of churchgoers feel the same way. Similarly, 85 percent of outsiders believe Christians are hypocritical, while 47 percent of those within the Church feel the same way. Clearly, my experience of church wounds isn’t an isolated incident. And obviously, there is a problem—perception has become reality…

Read the full article at Relevant Magazine

My questions to you:

Should our goal be to “get past” a wound? Does it sound to you like someone saying, “get over it” and “move on”?

Are you satisfied with the way this article ends? Is this all that can/should be done with wounds inflicted by/in the church?

New study: Mental illness virtually ignored by churches

Who was surveyed:
- 6,000 participants
- in 24 churches
- 4 Protestant denominations

I’ll highlight a few quotes for you. The whole article is great, though, so I really recommend reading the whole thing:

A family member’s mental illness can disrupt the family’s connection with its religious community, leading many affected families to leave the church…

while help from the church with depression and mental illness was the second priority of families with mental illness, it ranked 42nd among families that did not have a family member with mental illness.

‎help with mental illness was a priority for those families affected by it, but virtually ignored by others in the congregation.

For the average healthy Christian (physically healthy, that is), helping unhealthy church members is low on the priority list.

I’ve always found it ironic that teaching the Good Samaritan story in children’s Sunday school isn’t doing it’s job. Especially when it isn’t taught to adults from the pulpit. We need a better way to get Christians to actually act like Christians.

Anyway, here’s the full article: Mental Illness Nearly Invisible in Many Churches

So what’s your story? How have you noticed church members with mental illness being treated by your congregation?

Understanding Sexual Abuse by a Church Leader or Caregiver

The Mennonite Central Committee (MCC) just released a free booklet, Understanding Sexual Abuse by a Church Leader or Caregiver (2nd ed.)

Breaking the ice on a hot topic

This free booklet, by Mennonite Central Committee (MCC)helps churches break the ice on the topic of sexual abuse, and helps congregations intelligently and Biblically respond to this problem.

Now if you’re like me, you probably don’t want to think your church leaders (or anyone else in the congregation) is capable of misusing his/her authority to hurt another person.

The problem is, this sin is a reality. We know it exists and that it pops up far too often in churches and in far too many Christian denominations to ignore.

It happened in my church

It happened in one of my churches, not long before I joined. In one sermon the pastor shared some of the confusion and distress he experienced when he became aware that a fellow leader had molested young children.

This is not a road with easy or obvious answers, and sexual abuse is clearly not something a church can handle by improvising.

So at the very least, we can prepare ourselves, all the while praying that God will protect our congregation from sexual abuse, and any other kind of abuse for that matter.

Ministering to survivors and offenders

This booklet will also come in handy if new members join your church who’ve been abused or who are known sex offenders. Wounds caused by sexual abuse run deep and often the survivors, and offenders for that matter, turn to a church for perspective, healing or support. For their sake too, we ought to be prepared.

Where to get it

This booklet is free, easy to download and gives desperately-needed help for dealing with a topic that’s understandably hard to raise in a church setting.

The booklet can be downloaded in PDF format from the MCC website.

What’s inside

Each chapter explains a basic issue surrounding sexual abuse in a church setting, specifically:

- understanding sexual abuse
- understanding power
- understanding those who have experienced abuse
- understanding church leaders who abuse
- understanding congregations affected by abuse
- the need for the institutional church to respond
- the journey toward healing

Included is one woman’s personal story, which is told in two parts:

- no beginning or ending
- working toward an ending

MCC on Facebook

MCC posted about this resource on their Facebook page today. If you like this booklet, you may want to ‘Like’ them on Facebook so you can get updates on similar resources.

Pass it on

Also, please pass this booklet along to your church leaders and members.

Question

If you’ve lived through a sexual abuse case in your church, how did your leaders deal with it? And how did the congregation deal with it?

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate, by Jerry Bridges

In Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate, Jerry Bridges gently focuses our attention on widespread sins in the church. Not only are they common, but they also go unchecked.

Bridges’ confession

Before expanding on these sins, though, he makes a confession to his readers: He’s not perfect, he has committed many of these sins over the years and he doesn’t pretend to be any better or holier than the rest of us.

He makes this confession right at the start, helping readers to understand his humble attitude while writing this book, which ultimately helps us to accept what he has to say about these sins.

Seasoned Christians still have room to grow

Next, Bridges walks us through those familiar Bible verses about sin, salvation and grace. He knows he’s talking to people who’ve heard these things a million times, but he reframes them to help us see ourselves—that is, lifelong Christians who think we’ve got this faith thing all worked out—in the centre of God’s plan of salvation.

Even now, as seasoned believers, with years of Sunday services under our belts, countless worship songs sung, who knows how many prayers said, devotions read and volunteer hours logged, we’re still sinners in need of God’s grace who have lots of room left to grow.

Down to the nitty-gritty: Sins Christians tolerate

Bridges covers everything from anger, judgmentalism, anxiety and impatience to worldliness, pride, selfishness and lack of self-control.

Sometimes we Christians purposely ignore these ‘respectable’ sins. Sometimes we just don’t take them seriously. Gossip and materialism are a couple examples of this.

Other times these sins are winked at or they’re the subject of jokes. I can think of a few, but I’m curious which sins you (reading this review) would file under this category?

Bridges hits the mark

I’ve grown up in the church and consider myself to have been a believer most of my life, (You know, the ‘asked Jesus into my heart at age 6’ story), and I’ve seen each and every one of these sins in myself and in most ‘mature’ Christians around me.

Some of them, like materialism and selfishness, are shied away from in sermons, Bible studies, devotionals and especially in conversation with one another. We’re so hardwired from birth to practically idolize individualism, privacy and a citizen’s ‘rights’ to do whatever he wants with his money that we hardly distinguish them from the true sins of materialism and selfishness that God’s Word tries to guide us away from.

Other sins, like anger, are sometimes wrongly interpreted. I’ve been angered by serious sin in the church (e.g. putting personal comfort over helping a neighbor in need), and for that I have been accused of the ‘sin’ of anger. We Christians don’t know the difference between good anger (e.g. at cruel injustice) and sinful anger.

Bridges also missed a few biggies

Bridges really does justice to most sins that we Christians often let slide. He invites the reader, after reviewing each issue, to consider instances in our own lives where we have committed those sins and how we can return to a belief and a lifestyle more reflective of God’s desire for us, His Bride.

There are a few sins, though, I wish he had mentioned.

Love your neighbor: We don’t do it
The second commandment, to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, seems like a biggie in Scripture. And yet, growing up I’ve witnessed countless times when Christians have refused to help a fellow Christian in need.

Not helping one’s neighbor is often made to seem acceptable with the false teaching that people must suffer in silence, without asking for help, in order to prove that they’re trusting God. Scripture, on the other hand, is full of commands and examples of Christians tangibly helping one another and that this is linked to proof of our salvation. (See John Piper’s sermon on this.)

Church: The old boys’ club
I’ve gotta be honest. Sometimes the church resembles an old boys’ club more than a family of mature, caring believers who actually live by integrity. I’ve seen ‘mature’ Christians cover up fellow Christians’ sins and paving the way for that sin to continue. They also attacked anyone who brought those sins into the light.

Take the sexual abuse of children by clergy and other church leaders, for example. Consider the lengths to which ‘mature’ Christians have gone to cover up those sins, regardless of the fact that known pedophiles were free to continue abusing children because of the community’s collective will to keep it all quiet.

Accountability: Who’s it for anyway?
Often the church patriarchs and matriarchs consider themselves above accountability. Their age and status in the community gives them a kind of immunity from it.

Jesus and Paul’s clear instructions to deal with sin and conflict in the church (Matt. 5:23-24; Matt. 18:15-17, 1 Cor. 5: 11-13) are only applied to hot button sins (e.g. divorce, premarital sex, challenging ‘authority,’ etc.). These sins are loudly preached against and the people who committ them are publicly disciplined, cast out, or otherwise raked over the coals.

What about extreme sins, like when missionaries and elders and pastors rape children? No, we’re told, we must pray for those leaders and do nothing more. If we break the code of silence, we’re accused of the sin of judgmentalism, vengeance, anger and so forth.

You know in some ways, the Church is seriously screwed up. That’s why these are some of the very deep and dangerous sins I wish Bridges had covered in his otherwise stellar work.

4.5 out of 5

Overall, the book was a huge encouragement to me, in that Bridges’ gentle treatment of these common sins paints a bright, uplifting picture of what the Church can become if we simply want to. All we need is to humble ourselves—I mean put our reputation and years of service aside—and decide that our lives will not be a breeding ground for these sins anymore.

No sin is respectable.

Speaking of respect, it isn’t easy taking on the attitudes of overly comfortable Christians. I respect Jerry Bridges for the courage to share this unpopular yet urgently needed message with us.

Christian teachers: Don’t regurgitate. Deliberate.

“but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,” 1 Peter 3:15

I’ve felt so frustrated by this in the past:

A Sunday school teacher or kids’ club teacher or small group leader (etc.) shares a strongly-held belief. If I have another take on it, I’ll first ask them why they believe what they believe.

I want to know what their belief is based on in case I’m missing something.

Then they answer with something like, “I haven’t studied it enough,” or “I can’t wrap my mind around theology,” or “That’s what our pastor says…”

Why argue so strongly for something you don’t even understand, I wonder. Why risk spreading false teaching?

Have you been frustrated by that too?

Teachers in the church: Whatever you teach and whatever you stand for, KNOW the reason for it. You don’t want your students to learn how to swallow what they’re told without thinking.

You want to disciple believers (of any age!) so they know how to study the Bible and how to get a handle on what they believe and why they believe it. You want them to believe the truth because they *know* it’s true, not because they’ve been told it’s true; because second-hand faith makes a weak foundation, but a curious, questioning, inquisitive faith makes a strong foundation.

You want the disciples in your church to love God with all their minds too, as well as their heart, soul and strength. You want to make disciples who seek wisdom, evaluate incoming messages, discern what’s true from what merely sounds true but isn’t.

You don’t want disciples who regurgitate. You want disciples who deliberate.

Teachers, lead by example. Get intimate with God’s Word. All of it. The hard parts too.

For inspiration and guidance, check out these classics: Know What You Believe and Know Why You Believe by Paul Little.

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Church leaders: How do you teach believers to know what they believe and why they believe it? We want to hear your stories and your advice.